Dating as it should be

Here on some of my thoughts on the one thing that should be fun but can be a drag.

And these are in no particular order and will be added to from time to time. And this isn't addressed to one sex or the other unless specified

1. Have confidence - no one is out of your league, and leagues only exist in your mind
2. Respectfully decline - don't beat around the bush and make up stories why you can't go; just say "no thank you"
3. Don't expect me to do all the work. "Guys like to chase" isn't universal. Pick up your phone and use it
4. Communicate with the date rather than your friends about what your date was thinking.
4a. Girls, don't go to girls and ask advice about guys. Guys, likewise about girls. If you do, you'll get the wrong message most of the time.
5. If you're tired of "the game", you should stop playing the game and start dating like a respectful adult
6. Don't blame the other sex. Instead, look in the mirror and fix what you have control over. Accept the rest and move on
7. Women - demand chivalry. Let men open doors for you at the very least. Communicate that you expect to be treated like a lady. We'll eventually figure it out
8. A text asking "what are you up to?" is the most lame way to ask someone out. Grow some and place the call.
9. If you're still looking for greener grass, your glasses just might be foggy and need some cleaning
10. None of us are looking for a perfected being - we're looking for someone perfect for us. BIG difference in the two
11. If you can't be friends with someone that you dated, you probably still have a lesson to learn
12. Guys - get the girl's permission to have her phone number if you're trying to get it from friend of hers
13. Dating should be fun - but if it isn't going anywhere, get off the merry-go-round and try the see-saw or the monkey bars
14. If you don't always want a 2nd date with every person you take out, don't take it to heart if someone doesn't want a 2nd date with you. Be grateful they saved you the time & money!
15. Kissing means different things to different people.
16. A date means different things to different people. I personally tell my date that it is a date they are being invited to so they aren't wondering if we're hanging out.
17. If you're in my car, you can play whatever you like on my radio - except country. There is no exception to this rule. Deal with it.
18. When it comes to physical self control, BOTH parties need to be the stronger one. It is not the woman's job to keep the guy at bay. It's the guy's job to keep the guy at bay, and vice versa.
19. People are usually funnier dates when they are tired
20. Don't pass gas after you let the woman in the car, thinking it will dissipate as you walk around the back of the car. It follows you inside
21. No matter how the evening/date turned out, be grateful and gracious
22. Don't text and make calls during the date. Are we that rude these days? You can do without it for a couple hours, I promise
23. Guys - you can get the score of the game later. It's your fault for asking her out when your big game was on. Don't keep checking your iPhone
24. Bathe, use deodorant and brush your teeth. Before the date.
25. Guys, try to let the girl know what kind of shoes/clothes might be needed for the activity. If you're going to go on a short walk or hike, you might consider letting her know so she doesn't wear heels.
26. If you take someone out with kids, realize they are paying for a babysitter
27. Don't post anything on FB during your date. Seriously rude and not necessary. (thanks Todd)
28. Use gum
29. Don't ask someone where they went to high school. Live in the present, Uncle Rico
30. You SHOULD know all this stuff already, but usually, "friends" give the worst dating advice

The Seven Facebook Lies You Tell Yourself

Facebook isn't what you think. And it isn't Facebook that's lying about it. It's you and me. I lived a nice, happy life before Facebook. I'm still happy, but now I have to watch myself with how I view my life since Facebook arrived.

Understand that I love Facebook. What a great tool! But my happiness and existence isn't tied to it - and thank goodness. A lot of it is a lie, and I'm as guilty as you are at some of these.

Here are some of the lies:

Lie #1 - Everyone has a more fun life that you. This is probably the worst one of all. You ever notice how everyone posts pictures of themselves doing awesome stuff? Trips, campouts, events, concerts, parties - all the stuff you missed out on or didn't get invited to. When I didn't know about these events (pre-Facebook days), I never missed them, so I didn't feel like my life was mundane. Well generally speaking, we all have mundane lives. We all work, we all have crappy days, then we party like crazy when we have an extra 3 hours. Just remember this lie that you tell yourself isn't true. Sure, some people travel or party more than you, but your life is just fine. Don't judge it by what you see from others on Facebook.

Lie #2 - A Facebook "Friend" is a real friend. When someone asks how many Facebook friends I have, I think I will start saying "about 10". Being connected on Facebook doesn't mean jack squat. It means one person asked and the other clicked "confirm". That's it. It doesn't mean I trust them. It doesn't mean we hang out a lot. It means we are acquainted in some way. I don't even like some of my Facebook friends. I don't put on a lot of Facebook events, but when I do, not everyone is invited. And why should our feelings get hurt when we're not invited to someone else's activity? If they wanted us there, they would have invited us. Just think of it like this - the only invite worth getting is the in-person or the phone call. Everything else, including texting is "oh, let's just throw them in this long list and see who is interested."

Lie #3 - Everyone is interested in my every moment. Think about it. When someone posts every location they go, every little thing they're doing, every emotion they feel, most of us tune them out. The K-Mart blue light special was effective because it didn't happen every moment all day long. It was once in a while. Your posts should be the same way if you want people to not ignore them.

Lie #4 - We need people to "like" or comment on our status for validation. No you don't. Self-esteem and validation shouldn't come from Facebook comments or likes. I really like it when lots of people comment on one of my posts, and sure - I get a little disappointed if I say something and nobody really says much about it. Face it - we're sometimes posting lame stuff that no one is interested in. Don't believe the lie that we need people to say something about our status for it to be "good".

Lie #5 - If I make comments or "like" something, my friend feels the love. No, if you want a friendship to grow, the least you could do is text or call, or gasp - meet in person. Facebook friendships aren't real. They are a substitute for spending real time building a friendship. Sometimes, we need to disconnect and actually use a phone as a phone, not as yet another way to check Facebook.

Lie #6 - If I don't check Facebook often, I might miss something. It's a big wake-up call when you don't check Facebook for a week and you find that no one missed you and you didn't miss anything. In fact, it's the same people doing and saying the same things, putting up the same pose in every picture. If you don't check it for a week, I would put a lot of money on it that your life is better and your self-esteem is higher.

Lie #7 - Spending a lot of time on Facebook isn't a waste. I would put money on the richest people in America don't spend time on Facebook. I bet that the brightest minds don't spend much time with posting updates. If every time we checked Facebook we'd do 30 crunches and 30 pushups instead, our society wouldn't be so fat. If we spent more time with our families instead of talking to Facebook acquaintances, more kids would have better relationships with their parents, less married adults would reconnect with old flames and cheat on their spouses and more marriages would work better.

There are more lies we tell ourselves, but these are a good start. We can only blame ourselves for believing them, too. Just remember how easy life was before we started lying to ourselves about Facebook.

First Dates are weird

There really is nothing natural about a first date. Generally speaking, you're both trying to put your best foot forward and create a good impression. But shouldn't that set you up for failure? If you show your best self on your first date, you're setting that person up for disappointment as they get to know the real you later. In other words, it's all down hill.

And the date is unnatural. You might try to look different than normal. Maybe you only do your hair nicely for dates. Or maybe you try to be funny when you're not. You're asking the same questions on a first date that you asked the new kid sitting next to you in 3rd grate. "Where are you from? How many in your family? What do you want to be when you grow up? What high school do you want to go to? (lol) Where do you want to live when you get married? What happened to your favorite goldfish Pookie last week?"

Setups are even more difficult. Most people (often myself) treat the setup as a business arrangement, only going on the date because a friend or family member asked you to do it. You don't open up, you can't wait for the end of the date, you give an awkward hug at the end, then drive home anxiously to get back to your "normal" life, marking the date off as if it was an activity to check off of your to-do list.

I think too often that first date becomes like a business meeting. You have an agenda, a set amount of time and a desire to get back to what you really want to be doing - your own thing. What do you get out of business meetings anyway? A little praise, a little scorn, a donut and another assignment? It's a shame we (me) treat first dates that way. I kind of wish I wasn't so jaded about them and could get back to enjoying them for what they should be - fun! Maybe I (you) are just not naive anymore.

I don't have any solutions for this stuff. I frankly hate first dates. I'd like to jump to the third date and skip all the dumb/awkward stuff at the beginning. We're all to blame - men and women. Problem is, I don't know how you can skip first dates, because one always comes before two - at least it did in my grade school. Maybe I will change the way I approach first dates...

Tribute to Fathers

I figured I'd get a week's head start on Father's Day. But this time, I want your help. What has your father meant to you? Either post a comment at the end of this post or put it on Facebook and I'll add it to the list. This list will grow during the week. I hope to get 500 things we like about our fathers, or things we're grateful for.

Nathan Child
- I'm grateful for the only time my dad smacked me. I was about 14, too cool for school, and very disrespectful to my mother. He put an end to that and I've done my best to never disrespect my mother or any other woman again
- I'm grateful for the example my dad taught me of how to work hard
- I'm grateful for the home my parents raised me in, where we were taught to love and know our Savior
- I'm grateful for sense of humor my father possesses
- I'm grateful for the years of studying the life of the Savior and His prophets. I can ask him anything and he knows exactly where the answer is
- I like how my dad over-plans everything. It was annoying when I was immature, but now it's endearing as I know almost nothing is missed when he plans things
- I'm grateful that the first movie he ever took me to was Star Wars. E.T was the 2nd. He did much better on my first movie
- I'm grateful that he taught our family the love of Rook. He still thinks he's better than me
- I'm grateful that my father is the world's worst fisherman (self-proclaimed). Makes my fishing exploits look even more impressive
- I'm grateful my father didn't disown me when I broke his nose. He was so mad that he walked home a mile and a half though
- I'm grateful that he taught me how to work on cars
- I'm grateful that he put in a basketball backboard in our driveway when we were kids
- I'm grateful that he wouldn't let me play football in high school, but ONLY because I ended up playing volleyball instead
- I'm grateful that he loves family history
- I'm grateful that didn't name me John Child (his name), only because there are too many John Child's in our family tree
- I'm grateful that he built me a bike when I was about 13. I didn't like it at all until my friends were jealous of my custom bike, then it was really cool
- I'm grateful that my dad picked my mom. She's pretty cool
- I'm grateful for the memory of the 2 Shih Tzu dogs we had. I think he got more excited than the dogs did when he played with them
- I'm grateful that my father brought us to Utah every summer
- I'm grateful for my father's hard work that always put food on the table
- I'm thankful for the random stockings we always got at Christmas. They usually had random things like shoe laces in them
- I'm grateful for their visit last week
- I'm grateful for...


Please give me some things about your dad that you're thankful for.

There's something wrong with Utah

Utah has some problems. Weird problems. Take my neighbor, for example. He's moved 14 times in his life and has never left this general neighborhood. He thinks that this is the best place to live. He should know. He's seen so much of the world...

"But wait!", you say. That happens anywhere. Well, you're right if you think that. But it gets more odd. When I was 32, I moved to Utah. The most common questions I got were "where did you go to high school?" and "what year did you graduate?" At first, I thought it was a joke. But it came from all kinds of people, of all ages. Who seriously cares where you went to high school after graduation? When I left high school many moons past, I LEFT HIGH SCHOOL in the past and moved on with my life. Utah doesn't seem to be able to make this transition. Utah is like Uncle Rico from Napoleon Dynamite. Or Utah is who Bruce Springsteen was really talking about when he wrote "Glory Days". I don't get it, and I never will.

You thought I was done. Not even close! Consider that some people in Utah feel that part of raising a family is to "get them married". I know people - some close to me - that think it's their job to get their kids married. Hey, your job is to be a parent, not to "get them married". What if we let people marry when they're ready, rather than when the parent thinks they're ready? Novel idea, I know. Too many people are in love with the idea of getting married, and not with the person they're marrying. I'm just saying that it's possible that family/peer/cultural pressure to get married pushed them to marry when they weren't emotionally ready for it. Yep, welcome to Utah.

Speaking of marriage...dating usually comes before marriage. With a state so marriage happy, why do the young adults collectively suck at dating so bad? You'd think if you were really trying to get married, you'd try to do a better job of dating, but few do. So I got set up on this date one time, and the girl wanted to know if I a was "fit", because she wanted only to go out with someone fit. Imagine my surprise when we met up that she outweighed me EASILY. I weigh 225. Do I really have to say more about this story?

But I'm not done with the dating in Utah. I could go all day, but I will just share this - a date is just a date, especially a first date. I hate going on a date and having someone "interview" me for husband material. I don't need you asking me what my income is. I don't need you asking what sins I've committed in the past. I don't need someone asking me how many kids I want, or if I even like kids. I don't need anyone asking me where I plan on living in 5 or 10 years. I JUST WANT A FIRST DATE. I may not even like you after the first date. Why did this never happen in Texas? In Texas, you ask someone on a date, and both parties know it's a date. End of story.

And Utah has food problems. I'll name three:

1. There is not good BBQ in Utah
2. There is not good Mexican food in Utah
3. What is with the jello fascination? I served a mission in Utah, and I got the weirdest combinations of jello and fruits/veggies. Lime jello with celery - yep, I've had it. Orange jello with sour cream - yep, that one too. But the worst has to be the time (and there were several of these, but this is the first) that I was served jello with 1/2" of whip cream on top. "Sweetness!", I thought. So I took a piece about 4"X4", plopped it on my plate. "Red jello and whip cream. A classic!" I was still pretty hungry, so I took my fork, sliced a corner off and placed the perfect combo in my mouth...and almost gagged. The family had put MAYO on the frickin' jello. One-half inch of mayo. No whip cream. Nothing sweet. Mayo-frickin'-naise. I almost gagged as I blew the jello across my plate and on to part of the table. Who puts mayo on jello? Well, about one in ten Utah families. DON'T be that family.

I do like a couple of things about Utah. It has 4 seasons. It has some of the best outdoor recreation there is. It has a few normal people - emphasis on "few", and it has BYU - my favorite college. So it does have some things that keep me here. It's not all bad, but really - there is something wrong with Utah, and it's not going to get better any time soon....