First Dates are weird

There really is nothing natural about a first date. Generally speaking, you're both trying to put your best foot forward and create a good impression. But shouldn't that set you up for failure? If you show your best self on your first date, you're setting that person up for disappointment as they get to know the real you later. In other words, it's all down hill.

And the date is unnatural. You might try to look different than normal. Maybe you only do your hair nicely for dates. Or maybe you try to be funny when you're not. You're asking the same questions on a first date that you asked the new kid sitting next to you in 3rd grate. "Where are you from? How many in your family? What do you want to be when you grow up? What high school do you want to go to? (lol) Where do you want to live when you get married? What happened to your favorite goldfish Pookie last week?"

Setups are even more difficult. Most people (often myself) treat the setup as a business arrangement, only going on the date because a friend or family member asked you to do it. You don't open up, you can't wait for the end of the date, you give an awkward hug at the end, then drive home anxiously to get back to your "normal" life, marking the date off as if it was an activity to check off of your to-do list.

I think too often that first date becomes like a business meeting. You have an agenda, a set amount of time and a desire to get back to what you really want to be doing - your own thing. What do you get out of business meetings anyway? A little praise, a little scorn, a donut and another assignment? It's a shame we (me) treat first dates that way. I kind of wish I wasn't so jaded about them and could get back to enjoying them for what they should be - fun! Maybe I (you) are just not naive anymore.

I don't have any solutions for this stuff. I frankly hate first dates. I'd like to jump to the third date and skip all the dumb/awkward stuff at the beginning. We're all to blame - men and women. Problem is, I don't know how you can skip first dates, because one always comes before two - at least it did in my grade school. Maybe I will change the way I approach first dates...

Tribute to Fathers

I figured I'd get a week's head start on Father's Day. But this time, I want your help. What has your father meant to you? Either post a comment at the end of this post or put it on Facebook and I'll add it to the list. This list will grow during the week. I hope to get 500 things we like about our fathers, or things we're grateful for.

Nathan Child
- I'm grateful for the only time my dad smacked me. I was about 14, too cool for school, and very disrespectful to my mother. He put an end to that and I've done my best to never disrespect my mother or any other woman again
- I'm grateful for the example my dad taught me of how to work hard
- I'm grateful for the home my parents raised me in, where we were taught to love and know our Savior
- I'm grateful for sense of humor my father possesses
- I'm grateful for the years of studying the life of the Savior and His prophets. I can ask him anything and he knows exactly where the answer is
- I like how my dad over-plans everything. It was annoying when I was immature, but now it's endearing as I know almost nothing is missed when he plans things
- I'm grateful that the first movie he ever took me to was Star Wars. E.T was the 2nd. He did much better on my first movie
- I'm grateful that he taught our family the love of Rook. He still thinks he's better than me
- I'm grateful that my father is the world's worst fisherman (self-proclaimed). Makes my fishing exploits look even more impressive
- I'm grateful my father didn't disown me when I broke his nose. He was so mad that he walked home a mile and a half though
- I'm grateful that he taught me how to work on cars
- I'm grateful that he put in a basketball backboard in our driveway when we were kids
- I'm grateful that he wouldn't let me play football in high school, but ONLY because I ended up playing volleyball instead
- I'm grateful that he loves family history
- I'm grateful that didn't name me John Child (his name), only because there are too many John Child's in our family tree
- I'm grateful that he built me a bike when I was about 13. I didn't like it at all until my friends were jealous of my custom bike, then it was really cool
- I'm grateful that my dad picked my mom. She's pretty cool
- I'm grateful for the memory of the 2 Shih Tzu dogs we had. I think he got more excited than the dogs did when he played with them
- I'm grateful that my father brought us to Utah every summer
- I'm grateful for my father's hard work that always put food on the table
- I'm thankful for the random stockings we always got at Christmas. They usually had random things like shoe laces in them
- I'm grateful for their visit last week
- I'm grateful for...


Please give me some things about your dad that you're thankful for.

There's something wrong with Utah

Utah has some problems. Weird problems. Take my neighbor, for example. He's moved 14 times in his life and has never left this general neighborhood. He thinks that this is the best place to live. He should know. He's seen so much of the world...

"But wait!", you say. That happens anywhere. Well, you're right if you think that. But it gets more odd. When I was 32, I moved to Utah. The most common questions I got were "where did you go to high school?" and "what year did you graduate?" At first, I thought it was a joke. But it came from all kinds of people, of all ages. Who seriously cares where you went to high school after graduation? When I left high school many moons past, I LEFT HIGH SCHOOL in the past and moved on with my life. Utah doesn't seem to be able to make this transition. Utah is like Uncle Rico from Napoleon Dynamite. Or Utah is who Bruce Springsteen was really talking about when he wrote "Glory Days". I don't get it, and I never will.

You thought I was done. Not even close! Consider that some people in Utah feel that part of raising a family is to "get them married". I know people - some close to me - that think it's their job to get their kids married. Hey, your job is to be a parent, not to "get them married". What if we let people marry when they're ready, rather than when the parent thinks they're ready? Novel idea, I know. Too many people are in love with the idea of getting married, and not with the person they're marrying. I'm just saying that it's possible that family/peer/cultural pressure to get married pushed them to marry when they weren't emotionally ready for it. Yep, welcome to Utah.

Speaking of marriage...dating usually comes before marriage. With a state so marriage happy, why do the young adults collectively suck at dating so bad? You'd think if you were really trying to get married, you'd try to do a better job of dating, but few do. So I got set up on this date one time, and the girl wanted to know if I a was "fit", because she wanted only to go out with someone fit. Imagine my surprise when we met up that she outweighed me EASILY. I weigh 225. Do I really have to say more about this story?

But I'm not done with the dating in Utah. I could go all day, but I will just share this - a date is just a date, especially a first date. I hate going on a date and having someone "interview" me for husband material. I don't need you asking me what my income is. I don't need you asking what sins I've committed in the past. I don't need someone asking me how many kids I want, or if I even like kids. I don't need anyone asking me where I plan on living in 5 or 10 years. I JUST WANT A FIRST DATE. I may not even like you after the first date. Why did this never happen in Texas? In Texas, you ask someone on a date, and both parties know it's a date. End of story.

And Utah has food problems. I'll name three:

1. There is not good BBQ in Utah
2. There is not good Mexican food in Utah
3. What is with the jello fascination? I served a mission in Utah, and I got the weirdest combinations of jello and fruits/veggies. Lime jello with celery - yep, I've had it. Orange jello with sour cream - yep, that one too. But the worst has to be the time (and there were several of these, but this is the first) that I was served jello with 1/2" of whip cream on top. "Sweetness!", I thought. So I took a piece about 4"X4", plopped it on my plate. "Red jello and whip cream. A classic!" I was still pretty hungry, so I took my fork, sliced a corner off and placed the perfect combo in my mouth...and almost gagged. The family had put MAYO on the frickin' jello. One-half inch of mayo. No whip cream. Nothing sweet. Mayo-frickin'-naise. I almost gagged as I blew the jello across my plate and on to part of the table. Who puts mayo on jello? Well, about one in ten Utah families. DON'T be that family.

I do like a couple of things about Utah. It has 4 seasons. It has some of the best outdoor recreation there is. It has a few normal people - emphasis on "few", and it has BYU - my favorite college. So it does have some things that keep me here. It's not all bad, but really - there is something wrong with Utah, and it's not going to get better any time soon....