First, a little moment to lay the foundation. Some of the things I'll mention below I already suspected, but wasn't ready for the severity or the intensity thereof. I didn't get married blindly. I walked into it willingly and with eyes and arms wide open. But even then, you still get surprised by a few things. Check them out...
1. A full glass of water comes in 2 sizes. Say what?! No really. I had no idea. Notice the glasses are identical, but the one on the left is my wife's idea of a full glass, and the one on the right is mine. Now, you are already saying to yourself "she's smaller" or "his stomach can hold more". Nope. This phenomenon happens
regardless of glass size.
2. It does not matter how clean your house is - if a guest is coming, it suddenly got dirty and must be cleaned. My wife and I are both pretty clean, and she does most of the house cleaning. I love her for that. Living clean is the only way to go. But what amazes me is how quickly it gets dirty as soon someone's scheduled visit is announced. I'm now convinced there are unseen gnomes that make your house dirty as soon as you turn your back.
3. Since I got married, laundry magically gets cleaned and appears on the shelves almost daily. I love magic!
4. It doesn't matter at what age you got married, someone always has advice for you. They also ask you when you're going to have kids, as if the most personal decision you can make with your spouse is anyone's business. I don't ask people "hey, can I see your bank account?", but for some reason they think us having kids is their business.
5. It doesn't matter how well my house was organized - when we got married and she moved in, it needed to be redone. What gives? The only thing it accomplished was to confuse me as to where anything was. Shelves got shuffled, drawers swapped, closets changed up - it seemed to never end, but probably because I could never find anything after that. And that brings me to my next point...
6. When she moved in, I immediately started to hear words like "feminine touch" and "re-decorate". That kind of talk horrified me. I had nice paintings up. I had plants. I had respectable furniture. But when you just married someone, what else can you say but, "of course! I was thinking the same thing!" Probably the only thing I've lied to her about.
7. As soon as the redecoration has been completed, it starts over immediately. This procedure never ends. If it's not furniture, it's paint. If it's not paintings, it's throw pillows. If it's not vases, it's tile. What have I gotten myself in to?
8. She's always cold. And when she's not cold, she's too hot. Understand what I'm saying - the comfort zone for a woman is about 3 degrees. I am comfortable from about 39 to 80 degrees. She's comfortable from about 84 to 87. Below 84 she's cold. Above 87 she's hot. So basically, she's either asking for a DQ Blizzard or a blanket.
I may have to add things later, but this is what's coming to my mind at this time. Keep in mind that I love Lisa, and I hope she'll read this and laugh about it. She's the best gal for me - better than I imagined she would be. So we just have so much fun, and we laugh about these things. There are a couple of exaggerations to prove a point, but some of these items are spot on. Hope you enjoyed them!
