A Beautiful Transformation - One husband's view of his wife's journey from fiance to wife to mother

When I met my wife, I thought she was hot. I really wanted to ask her out. So I did! And simply said, the rest is history. What's really cool though is how she's changed over the last 3 1/2 years from the first time I met her to now - with one child and one on the way.

I make no apologies for my manlike tendencies to notice the physical traits first. That's how my Father in Heaven made me. The next thing I noticed was her sense of humor and sarcasm. Her wit is sharp and unending. Her sense of humor is amazing. So I kept asking her out. As we had our ups and downs of dating - and we had some serious downs - I also began to appreciate her spirituality, the relationships she had with her family and her surprising interest in continuing to see me. So I kept pursuing.

While dating, we took a trip to Las Vegas together and that whole weekend I never got tired of seeing her. In fact, I couldn't get enough. So on the drive back to Salt Lake City, I told her I wanted to marry her. 45 miles later, she realized I was serious. She had already become my best friend, and that was enough for me to want to marry her.

When we did get married in January 2012, I had hopes that she would be a great mother and wife, just as I had hopes to be a great husband and father. But just like anyone, I didn't really know what was coming. I knew she was sweet, good with kids (she's a special ed teacher, after all) and I liked the way she kept her apartment, so I had expectations of behaviors one might expect in a good wife.

However, as we did marry and started our life together, I wasn't really ready for how awesome a wife she would become. For example, I had known too many men whose wives would prohibit them from playing sports. My wife is kicking me out of the house to go play volleyball. Further, she made an informal proposition that she'll do the kitchen cleaning every time I choose to cook. Who can argue with that? She started doing my laundry, started organizing the house, added a feminine touch to the decor and did many of the stereotype things you might expect from a wife.

But she did more than that. The level of maturity that she brought to discussions that helped avoid fights and arguments was refreshing. She was always first to insist that we pray together and read scriptures together. She often prayed (and still prays) that she can be a better wife. This confused me because I thought she was imperfectly perfect. I loved the wife she was and while I respected the desire to improve, I was content with who she was because I didn't really have expectations of who she should be. The transformation from fiance to wife was quite smooth. Then, she got pregnant.

This change, from wife to mother, is the beautiful transformation I am referring to. Before Zachary was born, we had a great marriage. But as with the marriage, I didn't really know what kind of mother she would be. I had hopes. I had an idea, but I really didn't know.

Lisa, you're an absolutely amazing mother. What most of you may not know about Lisa is that she's not very selfish. She never was. What selfishness she had was obliterated the moment Zachary was born. While pregnant, she had many many moments of fear and doubt, wondering if she could "do it" (being a mother), worrying if she would love her baby enough, worrying about things that a guy would never get so I won't try to list them. But since Zachary first came in to this world, the transformation from worried not-yet-a-mother Lisa to the beautiful mother you are now is nothing short of amazing. I thought we had it so good before he was born, but it's exponentially better since we've had him.

Lisa, as you've transformed from fiance to wife to mother, you've been nothing short of extraordinary. The best part for me is that I had no idea how amazing you were. I thought I did, but I was blind. Thanks for an amazing two years of marriage. Here's to 2 more, then 2 more, then 2 more and so on. I love you, baby. :) And the best part of it all? The beautiful transformation never really happened. You were an amazing mother all along. I just didn't know.

How a Cougar fan became a Ute fan...once more

I didn't always hate the Utah Utes.

 In fact, I used to cheer for them when I lived out of state...when I was younger...before I lived in Salt Lake City. You see, as a teen and through my twenties, I only cheered against Utah when they played BYU. Utah needed BYU, and BYU needed Utah. I needed Utah to be good, because a win over Utah validated BYU's success. A loss to Utah, and most other wins didn't mean much to me.

But then, in 2005, I moved to Utah. I started to experience what it was like living in enemy territory. I met and interacted with Ute fans. I saw some resentment, some anger and a lot of hostility towards BYU, and I didn't like it. The worst I saw was at the 2008 BYU-Utah game at Rice Eccles stadium, a 42-28 Utah victory. The kinds of things I heard and experienced were beyond ridiculous. They were low, immature, vulgar, absurd and offensive. They were classless. And I reacted - not to anyone's face, but inside, my wall was built. I hated Utah fans. And they were to blame.

And my wall grew. I got tired of comments about things about BYU like "elitist", "holier-than-thou", the incessant claims that one school has less class and the downright anger towards BYU. I grew sick of Utah fans. I grew sick of posts on Facebook that lambasted BYU students, fans and players.

I relished any Utah loss. I was thrilled when Utah became the doormat of the Pac-12. I almost jumped for joy when they missed out on a bowl game last year. It sucked every time BYU lost to Utah, including this year, but I watched with joy as Utah lost at home to UCLA. My smile was huge. I was thrilled!

Then on Friday night, Chuckie Keeton got hurt playing BYU. And something changed inside of me. I liked the way Chuckie Keeton played. I wanted to see if BYU could beat the best he could bring. And suddenly he was out of the game. But I watched the BYU players kneel and wait to see what had happened. They respected him. And then I remembered watching a similar scene play out a couple weeks before as Jamaal Williams got hurt playing against Utah. As he lay on the field, the Utah players and coaches didn't hoot and holler like an idiot fan. They waited respectfully, not wanting a great kid to be hurt.

That's when I was reminded of something I forgot that I knew. With a couple of rare exceptions, the players for Utah, Utah State and BYU actually like each other, and when they play each other, they like playing against their high school friends, their brothers and former high school teammates. I can understand this. I get totally amped when I'm playing a sport against friends. I try harder.

So as I watched Chuckie Keeton lay on the field, in obvious agony, I realized that these guys like each other. I like them. I actually like the Utah players. A good portion of them were recruited by BYU anyway. And I like Wittingham. It seems that half of Utah's staff is made up of former BYU players. As all this sunk in, I became ashamed that I had reacted to the few immature and stupid Utah fans in the first place. The large majority of the Ute fans I know actually have class.

So I will always cheer for BYU. I love being a BYU fan. I love all the good that BYU represents. And BYU is made up of mostly good people, just like the Utah fan base. And both have some stupid and fans that we should all be embarrassed by - fans that we too easily react to. I'm not going to be one anymore. I'm now cheering for the Utes just as I used to, because I'm not lost in the war of hateful words anymore. I'm cheering for the Utes because I like what I see on the field. I'm cheering for the Utes because they are my boss, my coworkers, my friends, my family and my wife.

Lessons I've learned in the first 6 months of marriage

First, a little moment to lay the foundation. Some of the things I'll mention below I already suspected, but wasn't ready for the severity or the intensity thereof. I didn't get married blindly. I walked into it willingly and with eyes and arms wide open. But even then, you still get surprised by a few things. Check them out...

1. A full glass of water comes in 2 sizes. Say what?! No really. I had no idea. Notice the glasses are identical, but the one on the left is my wife's idea of a full glass, and the one on the right is mine. Now, you are already saying to yourself "she's smaller" or "his stomach can hold more". Nope. This phenomenon happens regardless of glass size.

2. It does not matter how clean your house is - if a guest is coming, it suddenly got dirty and must be cleaned. My wife and I are both pretty clean, and she does most of the house cleaning. I love her for that. Living clean is the only way to go. But what amazes me is how quickly it gets dirty as soon someone's scheduled visit is announced. I'm now convinced there are unseen gnomes that make your house dirty as soon as you turn your back.

3. Since I got married, laundry magically gets cleaned and appears on the shelves almost daily. I love magic!

 4. It doesn't matter at what age you got married, someone always has advice for you. They also ask you when you're going to have kids, as if the most personal decision you can make with your spouse is anyone's business. I don't ask people "hey, can I see your bank account?", but for some reason they think us having kids is their business.

5. It doesn't matter how well my house was organized - when we got married and she moved in, it needed to be redone. What gives? The only thing it accomplished was to confuse me as to where anything was. Shelves got shuffled, drawers swapped, closets changed up - it seemed to never end, but probably because I could never find anything after that. And that brings me to my next point...

6. When she moved in, I immediately started to hear words like "feminine touch" and "re-decorate". That kind of talk horrified me. I had nice paintings up. I had plants. I had respectable furniture. But when you just married someone, what else can you say but, "of course! I was thinking the same thing!" Probably the only thing I've lied to her about.

7. As soon as the redecoration has been completed, it starts over immediately. This procedure never ends. If it's not furniture, it's paint. If it's not paintings, it's throw pillows. If it's not vases, it's tile. What have I gotten myself in to?

8. She's always cold. And when she's not cold, she's too hot. Understand what I'm saying - the comfort zone for a woman is about 3 degrees. I am comfortable from about 39 to 80 degrees. She's comfortable from about 84 to 87. Below 84 she's cold. Above 87 she's hot. So basically, she's either asking for a DQ Blizzard or a blanket.



I may have to add things later, but this is what's coming to my mind at this time. Keep in mind that I love Lisa, and I hope she'll read this and laugh about it. She's the best gal for me - better than I imagined she would be. So we just have so much fun, and we laugh about these things. There are a couple of exaggerations to prove a point, but some of these items are spot on. Hope you enjoyed them!

Dating as it should be

Here on some of my thoughts on the one thing that should be fun but can be a drag.

And these are in no particular order and will be added to from time to time. And this isn't addressed to one sex or the other unless specified

1. Have confidence - no one is out of your league, and leagues only exist in your mind
2. Respectfully decline - don't beat around the bush and make up stories why you can't go; just say "no thank you"
3. Don't expect me to do all the work. "Guys like to chase" isn't universal. Pick up your phone and use it
4. Communicate with the date rather than your friends about what your date was thinking.
4a. Girls, don't go to girls and ask advice about guys. Guys, likewise about girls. If you do, you'll get the wrong message most of the time.
5. If you're tired of "the game", you should stop playing the game and start dating like a respectful adult
6. Don't blame the other sex. Instead, look in the mirror and fix what you have control over. Accept the rest and move on
7. Women - demand chivalry. Let men open doors for you at the very least. Communicate that you expect to be treated like a lady. We'll eventually figure it out
8. A text asking "what are you up to?" is the most lame way to ask someone out. Grow some and place the call.
9. If you're still looking for greener grass, your glasses just might be foggy and need some cleaning
10. None of us are looking for a perfected being - we're looking for someone perfect for us. BIG difference in the two
11. If you can't be friends with someone that you dated, you probably still have a lesson to learn
12. Guys - get the girl's permission to have her phone number if you're trying to get it from friend of hers
13. Dating should be fun - but if it isn't going anywhere, get off the merry-go-round and try the see-saw or the monkey bars
14. If you don't always want a 2nd date with every person you take out, don't take it to heart if someone doesn't want a 2nd date with you. Be grateful they saved you the time & money!
15. Kissing means different things to different people.
16. A date means different things to different people. I personally tell my date that it is a date they are being invited to so they aren't wondering if we're hanging out.
17. If you're in my car, you can play whatever you like on my radio - except country. There is no exception to this rule. Deal with it.
18. When it comes to physical self control, BOTH parties need to be the stronger one. It is not the woman's job to keep the guy at bay. It's the guy's job to keep the guy at bay, and vice versa.
19. People are usually funnier dates when they are tired
20. Don't pass gas after you let the woman in the car, thinking it will dissipate as you walk around the back of the car. It follows you inside
21. No matter how the evening/date turned out, be grateful and gracious
22. Don't text and make calls during the date. Are we that rude these days? You can do without it for a couple hours, I promise
23. Guys - you can get the score of the game later. It's your fault for asking her out when your big game was on. Don't keep checking your iPhone
24. Bathe, use deodorant and brush your teeth. Before the date.
25. Guys, try to let the girl know what kind of shoes/clothes might be needed for the activity. If you're going to go on a short walk or hike, you might consider letting her know so she doesn't wear heels.
26. If you take someone out with kids, realize they are paying for a babysitter
27. Don't post anything on FB during your date. Seriously rude and not necessary. (thanks Todd)
28. Use gum
29. Don't ask someone where they went to high school. Live in the present, Uncle Rico
30. You SHOULD know all this stuff already, but usually, "friends" give the worst dating advice

The Seven Facebook Lies You Tell Yourself

Facebook isn't what you think. And it isn't Facebook that's lying about it. It's you and me. I lived a nice, happy life before Facebook. I'm still happy, but now I have to watch myself with how I view my life since Facebook arrived.

Understand that I love Facebook. What a great tool! But my happiness and existence isn't tied to it - and thank goodness. A lot of it is a lie, and I'm as guilty as you are at some of these.

Here are some of the lies:

Lie #1 - Everyone has a more fun life that you. This is probably the worst one of all. You ever notice how everyone posts pictures of themselves doing awesome stuff? Trips, campouts, events, concerts, parties - all the stuff you missed out on or didn't get invited to. When I didn't know about these events (pre-Facebook days), I never missed them, so I didn't feel like my life was mundane. Well generally speaking, we all have mundane lives. We all work, we all have crappy days, then we party like crazy when we have an extra 3 hours. Just remember this lie that you tell yourself isn't true. Sure, some people travel or party more than you, but your life is just fine. Don't judge it by what you see from others on Facebook.

Lie #2 - A Facebook "Friend" is a real friend. When someone asks how many Facebook friends I have, I think I will start saying "about 10". Being connected on Facebook doesn't mean jack squat. It means one person asked and the other clicked "confirm". That's it. It doesn't mean I trust them. It doesn't mean we hang out a lot. It means we are acquainted in some way. I don't even like some of my Facebook friends. I don't put on a lot of Facebook events, but when I do, not everyone is invited. And why should our feelings get hurt when we're not invited to someone else's activity? If they wanted us there, they would have invited us. Just think of it like this - the only invite worth getting is the in-person or the phone call. Everything else, including texting is "oh, let's just throw them in this long list and see who is interested."

Lie #3 - Everyone is interested in my every moment. Think about it. When someone posts every location they go, every little thing they're doing, every emotion they feel, most of us tune them out. The K-Mart blue light special was effective because it didn't happen every moment all day long. It was once in a while. Your posts should be the same way if you want people to not ignore them.

Lie #4 - We need people to "like" or comment on our status for validation. No you don't. Self-esteem and validation shouldn't come from Facebook comments or likes. I really like it when lots of people comment on one of my posts, and sure - I get a little disappointed if I say something and nobody really says much about it. Face it - we're sometimes posting lame stuff that no one is interested in. Don't believe the lie that we need people to say something about our status for it to be "good".

Lie #5 - If I make comments or "like" something, my friend feels the love. No, if you want a friendship to grow, the least you could do is text or call, or gasp - meet in person. Facebook friendships aren't real. They are a substitute for spending real time building a friendship. Sometimes, we need to disconnect and actually use a phone as a phone, not as yet another way to check Facebook.

Lie #6 - If I don't check Facebook often, I might miss something. It's a big wake-up call when you don't check Facebook for a week and you find that no one missed you and you didn't miss anything. In fact, it's the same people doing and saying the same things, putting up the same pose in every picture. If you don't check it for a week, I would put a lot of money on it that your life is better and your self-esteem is higher.

Lie #7 - Spending a lot of time on Facebook isn't a waste. I would put money on the richest people in America don't spend time on Facebook. I bet that the brightest minds don't spend much time with posting updates. If every time we checked Facebook we'd do 30 crunches and 30 pushups instead, our society wouldn't be so fat. If we spent more time with our families instead of talking to Facebook acquaintances, more kids would have better relationships with their parents, less married adults would reconnect with old flames and cheat on their spouses and more marriages would work better.

There are more lies we tell ourselves, but these are a good start. We can only blame ourselves for believing them, too. Just remember how easy life was before we started lying to ourselves about Facebook.

First Dates are weird

There really is nothing natural about a first date. Generally speaking, you're both trying to put your best foot forward and create a good impression. But shouldn't that set you up for failure? If you show your best self on your first date, you're setting that person up for disappointment as they get to know the real you later. In other words, it's all down hill.

And the date is unnatural. You might try to look different than normal. Maybe you only do your hair nicely for dates. Or maybe you try to be funny when you're not. You're asking the same questions on a first date that you asked the new kid sitting next to you in 3rd grate. "Where are you from? How many in your family? What do you want to be when you grow up? What high school do you want to go to? (lol) Where do you want to live when you get married? What happened to your favorite goldfish Pookie last week?"

Setups are even more difficult. Most people (often myself) treat the setup as a business arrangement, only going on the date because a friend or family member asked you to do it. You don't open up, you can't wait for the end of the date, you give an awkward hug at the end, then drive home anxiously to get back to your "normal" life, marking the date off as if it was an activity to check off of your to-do list.

I think too often that first date becomes like a business meeting. You have an agenda, a set amount of time and a desire to get back to what you really want to be doing - your own thing. What do you get out of business meetings anyway? A little praise, a little scorn, a donut and another assignment? It's a shame we (me) treat first dates that way. I kind of wish I wasn't so jaded about them and could get back to enjoying them for what they should be - fun! Maybe I (you) are just not naive anymore.

I don't have any solutions for this stuff. I frankly hate first dates. I'd like to jump to the third date and skip all the dumb/awkward stuff at the beginning. We're all to blame - men and women. Problem is, I don't know how you can skip first dates, because one always comes before two - at least it did in my grade school. Maybe I will change the way I approach first dates...

Tribute to Fathers

I figured I'd get a week's head start on Father's Day. But this time, I want your help. What has your father meant to you? Either post a comment at the end of this post or put it on Facebook and I'll add it to the list. This list will grow during the week. I hope to get 500 things we like about our fathers, or things we're grateful for.

Nathan Child
- I'm grateful for the only time my dad smacked me. I was about 14, too cool for school, and very disrespectful to my mother. He put an end to that and I've done my best to never disrespect my mother or any other woman again
- I'm grateful for the example my dad taught me of how to work hard
- I'm grateful for the home my parents raised me in, where we were taught to love and know our Savior
- I'm grateful for sense of humor my father possesses
- I'm grateful for the years of studying the life of the Savior and His prophets. I can ask him anything and he knows exactly where the answer is
- I like how my dad over-plans everything. It was annoying when I was immature, but now it's endearing as I know almost nothing is missed when he plans things
- I'm grateful that the first movie he ever took me to was Star Wars. E.T was the 2nd. He did much better on my first movie
- I'm grateful that he taught our family the love of Rook. He still thinks he's better than me
- I'm grateful that my father is the world's worst fisherman (self-proclaimed). Makes my fishing exploits look even more impressive
- I'm grateful my father didn't disown me when I broke his nose. He was so mad that he walked home a mile and a half though
- I'm grateful that he taught me how to work on cars
- I'm grateful that he put in a basketball backboard in our driveway when we were kids
- I'm grateful that he wouldn't let me play football in high school, but ONLY because I ended up playing volleyball instead
- I'm grateful that he loves family history
- I'm grateful that didn't name me John Child (his name), only because there are too many John Child's in our family tree
- I'm grateful that he built me a bike when I was about 13. I didn't like it at all until my friends were jealous of my custom bike, then it was really cool
- I'm grateful that my dad picked my mom. She's pretty cool
- I'm grateful for the memory of the 2 Shih Tzu dogs we had. I think he got more excited than the dogs did when he played with them
- I'm grateful that my father brought us to Utah every summer
- I'm grateful for my father's hard work that always put food on the table
- I'm thankful for the random stockings we always got at Christmas. They usually had random things like shoe laces in them
- I'm grateful for their visit last week
- I'm grateful for...


Please give me some things about your dad that you're thankful for.